A quarter of a year has passed since setting a “word” resolution in January and it’s time for a life check-in. If I had to go back and meet my old self, say two or three years ago, sometimes I’m not sure I would even know who she is. One of the tracks played in my hot yoga classes recently was a man talking, more like having a conversation with himself. Our instructor played it as we were winding down, stretching and preparing for shavasanah. “Let go of a lifetime of self-judgment.” He was saying a whole line of things that I can’t recall, but that sentence blew out of the speakers and held me down. After leaving Memphis I had been questioning every single move I had made since graduation. Constantly wondering if any of them were the correct ones and never trusting in all that I had learned. Yoga in general does that to me, questioningly opens me up to myself and helps let go of the all the things humans needlessly carry around. That’s the point, right?
I joined my yoga studio, Core Power Yoga, in December, but at the turn of 2016 I decided to actually make going to yoga a priority with the New Year and my new word for 2016: engage. CorePower yoga studio is a franchise, but it’s also filled with great female instructors who genuinely care about their students’ practices. The classes are music filled, and aren’t super traditional. My favorite is “Sculpt”, which is an hour mixture of cardio, weight lifting, and sun salutations.
For the last 3 years in Memphis I had been trying to make myself dedicate some serious time to a yoga practice, but never quite got there more than a few times a month. Sometimes when I would make it to a random class I would cry at the end. Like the movements brought me to life and I had to get rid of all the things I was holding. I could never really explain it, but I almost always ended up in corpse pose with tears running silently down the sides of my face. At first, joining CorePower was no different. At the end of class, when the lights dimmed and I focused on the intention I had set for that practice, sometimes tears would start and I would be so surprised. I wasn’t actively trying to cry at all, it would just sneak up on me as the lights were dimmed. There were some sad tears, some scared tears, and some were tears of joy. I am a wholehearted believer in the power of stretching out your emotions. And I guess mine just had to physically manifest themselves out of my body.
CorePower also provides hands-on teacher adjustments or brief therapeutic touch during its classes. Just the touch of a stranger in such an intimate space to help you stretch it out can make such a difference. Those first classes held tears of worry, the stress of moving, and then they moved into tears of relief and gratitude. Of happiness. It is hard to put into words. But slowly, as I’ve found my new grove in a new city, it’s been much easier to shape my life into what I want it to be and become. And I’ve stopped crying in yoga. Also, I’ve noticed recently I haven’t received as much hands-on help. I think without saying a word, somehow the teachers just know- she’s good. And they can spend more time on someone else, who may need it more. And that makes me so happy. Holding myself accountable for a four month check-in on how my word for 2016 is going – ENGAGE: it’s going better than I could have imagined. As stressful as a new city and job can be, it’s such a relaxing feeling when you can finally settle into and engage in a place that makes your heart content. Yoga and Kansas City have been good to me.
Cheers to engaging in letting it all out~ Amanda
Go to a studio near you:
Core Power Yoga